I can think of many things that make me proud of my sister, her resilience, humour, strength and determination, but none more than this truly selfless gift that she has offered one family. I am so grateful she wrote this for me to share with you all, and I am sure if you have any (respectful) questions, she would be happy to answer them for you.
I was always open to the idea, the concept, of helping others to have a family. Even before I was a mother myself I had images of being that wonderful woman who’d carry a child for someone else who just can’t possibly do it themselves (be a surrogate).
After my second child, I knew I would never have been able to comfortably live with that scenario. I would have been a dismal failure. One of those horrible people not able to hand over the babe. To have carried a child in my womb, where my body has nourished a life for nine months and forever carry the scars to remind myself of the time we shared together? No that was just too personal.
It was the advice that I was to lose my womb, the need to have a hysterectomy, that made me re-visit the giving of a family in whatever way was possible. I talked to my doctor and looked into Altruistic Egg Donation – the anonymous donation of eggs to enable a man/woman to have an embryo implanted and hopefully grow their own family.
It was an awesome dream and yes I wanted to be part of it. The more I looked into it though the scarier it became. There were no medical coverages at this time – all costs incurred and possible complications – were at the expense of the donor. Furthermore my impending hysterectomy (at a time when I was still breastfeeding) meant I was not able to undertake the hormone treatment required. It was a dream that faded with the reality of life and the burdens of raising a family and returning to the work force. It was all just too hard.
Then along came some media coverage out of the blue on the topic of donating eggs and I just had to make comment on facebook. I tend to say what I’m thinking/feeling…not always a good thing. But in this instant it did good. I had two friends (husband and wife) ask me if I was joking. I said no, I was keen to donate if it felt right. They asked. I said yes this feels right.
Wow that decision has taken me down a road I just didn’t anticipate.
Here I am in the middle of a hormone cycle – nothing complicated yet, just the natural hormones given to a woman to regulate her cycle. I am currently working together with my recipient friend to be “in sync” with each other.
In a few short weeks we will commence the high hormone cycle where I will provide myself with daily injections of FSH to grow the number of eggs for the harvest. At the same time my friend will be peaking in her hormone treatment in preparation for the implantation of an embryo…and her husband is preparing himself for the embarrassing presentation of his donation in a cup!! There are some of the harsh realities you just have to laugh at!
The surgery is minor though there is some heavy pain expected when the ‘fullness’ of the eggs in both ovaries just before the harvest is described as being painful and similar to the initial contractions of labour, or a bad period pain. I won’t be able to run or carry my son in that week. Does it make me a bad person to think that is just the worst thing of all this?? I’m bright enough to know that this pain is just temporary – as is the inability to run and carry my boy. And so Worth it!! Though I’m sure I will be calling my sister and bemoaning my state at this time.
My thoughts so far into it: – the doctors visits are confusing. They often say conflicting things and there is so much involved! The blood tests have been endless and the vaginal probing – enough said!
But then you catch the eye of the couple you are helping and they look at you, like they have never seen you before, they talk of the possibility of bringing a child into this world with such precaution and awe, you feel swallowed up by a world that is bigger than you. You are just contributing, just a mere number in the threesome that is needed.
I am curious how others see this experience. There are so many things that arise along the way:
How to tell your family, who to tell in your family, do you let your friends know, when do you tell people? How to explain to work the numerous absences? How to cope when it is not all going as planned? How to decide the extent of your involvement (we have been asked to stay in touch and be close/involved with the family and pending children).
I am hoping there is going to be joy at the end of this road, I don’t think it will be the positive glowing experience I am now experiencing should it end in failure. I think for me that would be the most difficult thing to deal with.
